Blackspartan Crazy life- Thinking Seat

So this morning I woke to my wife scaring the shit out of me again by standing over me watching me and asking me was I awake yet. So she offered to take me to the mall or she can go by herself. I told her to go by herself and let me be lazy. So I make my way to my bathroom open a window and sit down on my throne. I pull out my iPhone and began to check my Facebook, twitter, instagram, the 30 forum, pintrest, and my tumblr. After I saw that everyone was calling their family members I called my sister, grandmother, and tried to call my mom but she sent me to voice mail. So after I sat on my throne for about 90 minutes I was done pooping I attempted to get up and I guess since sitting for 90 minutes my legs buckle and I landed safely on my tile bathroom floor.


Lesson learned today if your feet are tingling then your legs might be sleep lesson learned

Goes to show, too much thinking can land you in trouble.. or in this case on the tile floor.. right where the frog likely was a week ago!

But let me ask.. why is the 30 forum nestled between instagram and pintrest? This is where shit goes down.. everyone knows, this is the place for info and updates!

Shit man! (pun intended) Any time on the throne longer than a few minutes is pretty damn bad for the prostate and that area in general! It screws up the pudendal nerve... you want that if you want to keep bladder and prostate control haha. 90 minutes... that's no bueno!

This is why all those Drs are now saying normal "sitting toilets" aren't good for "humans" and those "squatting" toilets, common in some countries are much healthier blah blah blah.

So you're saying I should leave my YouTube viewing to my office computer instead???

gun fer hire wrote:

Shit man! (pun intended) Any time on the throne longer than a few minutes is pretty damn bad for the prostate and that area in general! It screws up the pudendal nerve... you want that if you want to keep bladder and prostate control haha. 90 minutes... that's no bueno!

This is why all those Drs are now saying normal "sitting toilets" aren't good for "humans" and those "squatting" toilets, common in some countries are much healthier blah blah blah.

Does this make you our resident Dr. Oz now?

gun fer hire wrote:

This is why all those Drs are now saying normal "sitting toilets" aren't good for "humans" and those "squatting" toilets, common in some countries are much healthier blah blah blah.

Eeek! Has anyone tried a squatting toilet??

I've had the unpleasure in Japan one day after a night of drinking.. boy is that ever a careful operation for umm, a clean getaway. Let alone the art of balancing during the TP dispensing and wiping.. the whole situtation was a bit too close to the '2' for me.

So just know I was doing my business and I picked a short YouTube video to watch. When it was over I went to put my phone back in my pocket while the video was still ending. I ended up dropping it and my phone goes skeeting out of my stall while it's still playing. Do I get my phone or do I wipe???

i like how you chose to use the word "skeeting"

BlackDeath wrote:

i like how you chose to use the word "skeeting"

It wasn't really a YT video I was watching. SKEET SKEET SKEET!

BlackDeath wrote:

gun fer hire wrote:

Shit man! (pun intended) Any time on the throne longer than a few minutes is pretty damn bad for the prostate and that area in general! It screws up the pudendal nerve... you want that if you want to keep bladder and prostate control haha. 90 minutes... that's no bueno!

This is why all those Drs are now saying normal "sitting toilets" aren't good for "humans" and those "squatting" toilets, common in some countries are much healthier blah blah blah.

Does this make you our resident Dr. Oz now?

Haha fuck no!

I just know a little about health and biology...Was a Bio, pre-med intention major for 2 years in college.... before i realized that being a Dr. would suck balls and went into a marketing major lol.

There was a big article a few months back about this and the "possible" link to americans with high % of prostate cancer where other countries it was much lower... correlations with diet and toilets... time on toilets etc.

All i know is i get in, get shit done... quite literally, and get out haha

I had to use those things on a trip to China quite a while back. It might work for them because they are much closer to the ground, but for a 6'5 big American nothing good can come from that. I am going to get dead from something and I think shitting too long is way down the list on the things I do that get me closer to dead.

yeah man i goto the jon to sit and relax not fucking sweat over trying to 'hover dump'

my worst out of country bathroom experience was in Canada - you fuckers don't make the urinal stall walls wide enough for us country folk and attempting to piss sideways isn't necessarily that easy and certainly will get you some funny looks

Especially if you are peeing with a lot of force and it slips oout of your hand. Sorry 'bout that hose down there buddy.

BlackDeath wrote:

my worst out of country bathroom experience was in Canada - you fuckers don't make the urinal stall walls wide enough for us country folk and attempting to piss sideways isn't necessarily that easy and certainly will get you some funny looks

LOL, I'd shit my pants if I were in a stall - trying to relax - and next to me I see two big shoes pointing my way followed by a 'zzzip'

You Americans can make bathroom stalls scary scary places..

If you are in a stall trying to relax and you really do shit your pants.....you are doing it wrong

blackspartan28 wrote:

So this morning I woke to my wife scaring the shit out of me again by standing over me watching me and asking me was I awake yet. So she offered to take me to the mall or she can go by herself. I told her to go by herself and let me be lazy. So I make my way to my bathroom open a window and sit down on my throne. I pull out my iPhone and began to check my Facebook, twitter, instagram, the 30 forum, pintrest, and my tumblr. After I saw that everyone was calling their family members I called my sister, grandmother, and tried to call my mom but she sent me to voice mail. So after I sat on my throne for about 90 minutes I was done pooping I attempted to get up and I guess since sitting for 90 minutes my legs buckle and I landed safely on my tile bathroom floor.


Lesson learned today if your feet are tingling then your legs might be sleep lesson learned

@Spartan - Does your wife stand over you a lot while you sleep? I don't think i could sleep if my wife did!

@Slam - get the phone! get the phone!

Not only a wife, but little people standing next to your bed in the middle of the night are creepy!

One of our kids (8yrs) wakes up some nights and he'll come stand next to our bed saying he can't sleep. If we don't hear him come in, we'll wake up with him just standing there, quietly. Seeing only his sillouette in the bedroom night light.. It's enough to wake you right the f'up!

If those "squatting" shitters are anyting like the hole in the ground they have in some parts of Mexico, then hell no, I'll take my chances with a yearly probe check up. Do they have the 75 year old woman selling squares of TP for 10 pesos before you go in?

Plus, I sometimes need the whole bowl to contain the explosion, my wife would be PISSED if she had to clean that mess up.

The adult bookstore I frequent has a hole in the bathroom but it's in the wall.

Sr Slampiece wrote:

The adult bookstore I frequent has a hole in the bathroom but it's in the wall.

Oh yea, that's the 'fresh air' hole.

If you're feeling claustrophobic in the stall, you just go ahead and get real close to it, close your eyes and breath in and out... ahhh. The relation between the size of the hole and your mouth is no coincidence! Great for hyperventilation too!

I'm still laughing about "Hover dump"

birddotcom wrote:

Plus, I sometimes need the whole bowl to contain the explosion, my wife would be PISSED if she had to clean that mess up.

Yeah, see that's what I've always wondered about. What the fuck do you do if you contracted a bad case of the "I was out last night and drank 15 dollar drafts at the bar and chased them with an extra large mystery meat burrito off the taco truck last night" explosive diarrhea?! It must literally detonate in a 2 cubic foot of mass destruction covering the back of your pulled down pants, legs, shoes, floor, wall and any nearby curious cats who like to join you in the bathroom. Every hear of an extinction level event? Pretty sure that's one of the scenarios.