Life throws a curve ball

Well things are changing faster than the leaves can fall, my life is in the middle of a 180.
I meet my wife during her senior year in HS, and we were obviously young. We watched many of our friends lives completely change due to having kids. And we decided that that was not the direction we wanted to go in, so we used caution and protection (nowadays it feels like prevention ) Anyways, turned 20 and we were still enjoying life so we postponed the idea of having kids, 25 came and went....
30 came to pass and we still were completely satisfied with ours dogs and cat, and pretty much decided kids were out of the picture.
Meanwhile her sister is an absolute train wreck..3 kids 3 daddys drugs thugs welfare section8 detox rehab bi-polar meth coke, you name it, it's probably happened.
Her poor children have been thru absolute hell their entire lives. 18 yr old daughter already has a 1 year old..... 15 yr brother lives with nanna of his sister and the 13 yr old was placed back with his psycho of a mom last year...CPS what a joke!!

Well last weekend she went on $600 meth bender with rubber checks writtten to pay-day loan joints. Ughh don't get me started on these places....
After her week long trip she contacts a detox place that is familiar with her,, knows she has a child and they contact the authorities. So CPS steps in at 8:30 at night and removes the 13 yr old from the home..Does a background check on my wife and I, and shows up at my house at 10:00.


Long story short..... I have gone from a carefully planned child free life to having a 13 yr old ummmmmm son?

Lord have mercy on my soul.........................

you are a good man for taking in the kid. maybe you guys can show him what life is REALLY about and not what he has seen man. Mad props to you SNOW, i know you were watching pitches go by you and waiting for the right one, maybe you can hit this curveball out of the park, unlike Serrano...you know i had to have a joke in there with my seriousness.

But good luck man, my wife used to deal with kids like that that had NOWHERE to go except Boys Town and Omaha Home for Boys, at least this kid as family to take him in.

Good luck, if you need help reach out, my wife knows all about this shit first hand...

Rif

Damn snow that is quite the curve ball! Good for you for taking the kid in, best of luck to ya.

Kudos to you hopefully you can bring a good change to a childs life and he a good change in yours.

Your story gave me goose bumps & brought tears to my eyes (can't help it, I'm a girl). I too decided not to have my own kidlets (I do have a 15 year old, so far trouble free, stepdaughter though). Best of luck to you & your wife on your new direction in life!

Wow snow, that's more of a crazy ass knuckle ball! Really though, that's a great thing you are doing for that kid, by the sounds of it probably saving his life! Huge props to you and your wife, and best of luck to you both!

Snow. Good for you. Let me know if you have questions. Worked with foster care kids and the like for a bit so even if I cant help directly I can at least point you in the right direction.

Props to you snowrider for taking the kid in...good luck to you and your wife...change like this can be very hectic but well worth it if you can make in impact in the live of somebody who needs it...

You will be fine Snow. Your a great guy and am sure to give him a positive role model.

It's even better luck for all of us cuz now you can get even better at these games by watching a 13 year old play and see how they are so dam good.

All joking aside I'm sure it will all work out. My son will be 12 on Thursday so if you need any pointers on that age group just let me know.

Wow, good on ya Sn0w. That is a tough task that's thrown in your lap but you will be making a huge difference in that child's future.

Snow, I'm sure you will be a great role model. Just by taking him in, it shows you've got a great heart. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

What is it with some people and drugs. You could be talking about my sister there Snow, she has been on and off heroin for 16 years and in and out of prison. She has three kids, one has been with my parents for years. The other two were taken off of her recently and one went to my parents and one to a relation. It fucks me up to see my mother having to rare kids again and being upset over the situation. We help out as much as we can but with four young kids and one with special needs its hard to do much.

Snow you have done a good thing pal and it will stand to you. Some of the best feellings in life come with kids and I know he is 13 already but you could be the best thing that has happened for that kid.

Sn0w...my brother....this is real talk from me and I'm not ashamed to tell ya all:

I have been through hell and back with addiction...I have seen things that the most of you have only seen on TV. I came from a somewhat stable Suburban background (though my father who I didn't live with was one of those "criminal" bikers)...but in the 90's I begin to write more and for some stupid fuck reason I got it in my head that doing heroin would make me the next William S Burroughs. Well that plan went to all kinds of hell.

I spent 3 horrific years (off and on) as an addict. Keep in mind I had standards (LOL...never ripped anyone off...never took advantage...always drank Ensures to keep my "health"). Suffice to say it went from hanging out with Hipsters and just having a grand ol time to being exposed to such ugliness that I often found myself alone in my apartment crying... Example: Hangning with my friends, a married couple, leaving like an episode of Hoarders with 2 beautiful children...and while I'm watching and playing with them their mom and dad are arguing in the bathroom about Dope while being surrounded by blood splatter from clogged rigs (needles) and empties just on the floor floor...at least the tips were broken off...I actually helped those two get clean even though I was still a junky...bought them food...clothed their kids and made sure they could get back to reality (whatever that perspectively means).

So...I get it somewhat...from all sides. From being a Junky to seeing and feeling the pain to weeping for the kids I saw that had to watch their mom and dads kill themselves slowly and the kids "OK" with it because that's all they ever knew.

Listen...love the kid...keep patience...show'em what life can be. Give the kid time to adjust and don't alway leer with the "are you ok" mantra. Just be their for the kid. Hell, even breakfast made for them everyday will amaze them.

...

Seriously, bro...you have any questions or seek advice...don't hesitate to pm, text or call me.

And keep in mind, bud.... Though many of us here have never met eachother in the "real world" I consider ya all my friends no matter what. In this digital age friendships have been re-defined.

We are all in this together on this rock we call Earth...maybe it's the Catholic in me but we are all Brothers and Sisters and should always help eachother in any way that we can.

Snow, that's a noble thing you've done. I can't tell you what a profound effect this will have on the kid's life. In my many years of coaching youth sports, I have seen kids from some pretty terrible home situations...a lot like you are describing. In those cases, their junkie moms or enabler grandparents used me as a glorified babysitter. Some of those kids were very difficult to deal with to be honest. I tried my best to be positive male role model because they didn't have any men in their lives that offered any sort of guidance.

I figured that if I could just keep the kids coming back, it's more time they'd have away from the horrible home life.

Well, some of those kids who didn't have a chance in life went on to become High School stud athletes and got scholarships to awesome colleges. Ending the cycle of drugs/diliquency/abuse.

You taking that kid in may be challenging, but just being around them on a daily basis and offering encouragement in any capacity wil likely be the difference between them graduating, (possibly going to college, learning a trade, becoming a decent person) and becoming just another petty thief, drug dealer, or worse.

There wil be trying times ahead, but the kid you are rescuing may become the next great scientist that cures cancer, you never know.

Best wishes for your family. One day at a time, man.

Rock the fuck on FBD

I have always felt that no matter if you have children or not we, as adults, should always show grace to children by listening to them, showing them the magic in the world, etc...

Just be yourself Sn0w...it's gonna possibly be a rocky start but that kid will remember you always if you show'em the wonders of the world that you see.

Tough situation to be in for sure and one where you will need alot of strength, patience and understanding. You are a good person for being there for this.

We have a plaque here at home that brings me down to earth when I get too self absorbed (not saying you are just to be clear), but it reminds me of priorities at times::

“A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove...but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child.”

I am sure that you and your wife will give that young man the very best life possible. And I know that it wasn't something you had planned but sometimes the best things in life are unplanned. Oh, and if there are days you feel like you have no clue if you are raising him the right way, don't worry! That's just called Parenthood

A few rules for Parenthood:

Keep them alive...Keep them laughing

MANIC wrote:

A few rules for Parenthood:

Keep them alive...Keep them laughing

Word!

Kids are the biggest adventure!!! I have two and they are extreme opposites. But that's what makes it so fun.

Thanks for the kind words, and profound tidbits. I am sure I am in for an adventure......
The good thing is most of my friends have children in this age range. I am hopeful that this will ease the transition and give him some 'good' kids to hang with.

I took him to the BMX track friday night, we'll see if he takes an interest in it. 2 of our friends have children that race BMX and it has proven to be a wholesome competitive environment. The freestyle scene seems to have a bit more of the rebelious vibe, so I think I want to avoid that if I can...


Oh my............The looks I've been getting lately.....He is a mixed race child and my wife and I are whiteys. I can only imagine the things people think.


WoW Fran, 4 little ones and 1 with special needs....How do you ever find time to game?
That has to be a handful at times.

That's funny Sn0w. I have a sister that is eleven years older than me and when she used to take me around when I was a little tike they sure gave her looks also. BMX is a great thing for kids to get into. My ex-wife was a BMX beast and her family were track operators for the local BMX track. I keep some of her huge trophys after we split to show our son.

Snow, I know I'm new here but in my short 30 years I've been through and seen some rough things. I'll spare you the details but, my younger sis has 2 kids by 2 different @#$holes, neither of which pay support. She's made some pretty bad choices growing up and her kids have suffered. I find myself playing more of the dad role than the uncle role most times. My mother raised the oldest daughter for most of the girl's life until my mother passed away 4 years ago from lung cancer (age 47). My nieces have proven to be very resilient in the face of bad times by having a strong family around them. Just remember that you have his best interests in mind and trust your judgement. It may not always seem like it but, you can only improve his life.

As a pastor friend once told me, "It's more than just genetics that makes someone a father." You have a great chance to impact someone's life in a profound way. You've begun the first step and there will be many more ups and downs along the way. But's that's all part of the roller coaster of life. Hang on!